By akademiotoelektronik, 19/01/2023
Transgender child: how to accompany as parents?
Your child has told you about his gear and you don't know how to react.Does this mean that your child is transgender?What behaviors to adopt as a parent?Elements of response with Marcel Rofo, child psychiatrist, university professor and hospital practitioner.
Taboo subject a few years ago, recognition of transgender children is increasingly publicized.This is not to say that this discomfort is easily accepted in our societies and the suspicion or the announcement of the transidentity of a child is often a deflagration for a whole family.Difficult indeed to position oneself as parents, worried about the future and the challenges that the child will have to meet, to find the right words, the right attitude or simply to know precisely what the transidentity is.A report by the High Authority for Health dating from 2009 estimates that around one in 10,000 or one in 50,000 is transgender in France.
Definition: trans, transgender, transexual, gender dysphoria, non-binary...What words are the most suitable?
If the abbreviation "trans" is widely used in the media, associations and communities concerned, there are inaccuracies in French concerning the words "transgender" and "transexual".Indeed, if some consider them synonymous, others define the term "transgender" as the fact of adopting the lifestyle (appearance, pronouns...)) of the other genre without necessarily changing sex, while "transexual" would only concern people who have started a medical and surgical process to change sex.
Please note, many associations denounce the fact that "transexual" or "transsexual" refer to the idea of illness - which is not the case with transidentity that does not "care", and that it is thereforeA dated term that should no longer be used, in favor of transgender.
The best is in all cases to ask his child who are the terms he prefers to use, just like for his pronouns (he/she/iel/...)).
À lire aussiDuring the usual course, your child will consult a psychiatrist who will potentially attest to a gender dysphoria.This means that there is a discomfort between his sex and his genre, the one assigned to him at birth according to his morphological formation.
Furthermore, the non-binary term is not to feel belonging to any of the two established genres, or to feel belonging to a little of both, in a variable way.Words in English are often used by the communities concerned to define themselves as "Gender-Fluid", "No-Gender", "To Gender" or "Variant Gender".
Transgender children: at what age do they become aware of their "difference"?
In September 2013, in Argentina, parents were authorized to change the kind of their 6 -year -old child on his identity papers.His first name, Manuel, was then replaced by Luana.His mother had explained that "Lulu" has always felt girl.A few months earlier, Coy Mathis' parents, a little American of the same age, had hit the headlines.After having complained for discrimination, they had won against his school.The child was banned from the use of girls' toilets when he considered himself female sex.According to his relatives, Coy has started to behave like a girl at only 18 months.Psychiatrists have diagnosed a gender dysphoria when he was 4 years old.
From what age can we think or declare that a child is transgender?According to Professor Marcel Rofo, there is no limit age."I medically followed a transgender woman for more than twenty years.She has now transitioned and is now married ".The child psychiatrist explains that "from 4-5-6 years, we can perceive this discomfort in a child".A report by the Council of Europe published in 2013 specifies that the feeling of belonging to the opposite sex can occur at any time: in adolescence, during the "first years of life", or even before a year, "withoutthat the child cannot communicate him to those around him ”.
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"Contrary to what many believe, the notion of sexual belonging is not fixed from birth," says Professor Rofo.In the 1970s, American researchers carried out studies in Californian nurseries.They then realized that the little girls were able to determine their sex of belonging before the boys.From 18 months, they adopted female type behaviors: in the game, the way of taking care of their baby ... they copy their mothers.On their side, the boys become aware of their genre at 20 months.Of course, these behaviors are impregnated by the choice of first name, parental behavior, social codes ... ”
Transgender child: associations to accompany us after the announcement or "coming out" of our child
"Some parents sometimes wonder if they can buy a baby from a boy or small cars from a girl.It's completely silly!This does not in any way influence the gendered perception that the child can have of himself, "insists the child psychiatrist, who recalls that in the transidentity, it is above all biology and hormones that are at stake.
What signs can parents guide?According to the specialist, it is a set of parameters and it is better not to have a single sign, which could be misleading.Especially since nothing is really fixed before the child claims to be transgender: "A child seeming to want to belong to the opposite sex will not necessarily be transgender adolescent or adult", he.
Experts cited in the Council of Europe report share this point of view.The numerous specialists who participated in the development of the study, on the other hand, insist on the need for children that parents learn to "tolerate" this uncertainty.
Note: a transgender little girl is a declared girl of male sex at birth but whose gender self-perception is that of a girl-and vice versa for transgender little boys.
This situation is not necessarily obvious to approach without being previously informed and trained as parents, it is possible to turn today to many associations, also there to refer the entourage.Words that hit, psychological and administrative work...The Outrans association offers, for example, mixing groups in the Paris region, as well as the Chrysalide association, based in Lyon, which has also developed a guide for close to people accessible online for free.Another example, the Grandir Trans association, in Tours, posted a very complete and educational "toolbox".
Little girl or transgender little boy: the importance of accepting her choice
Still too often misunderstood, transgender children are more victims of school harassment and sexual assault.They are also more subject to suicidal ideas.This is why, according to the report of the Council of Europe, it is essential that the entourage, the parents, the school, the nursing staff, accept the perception that these young people have of themselves.Erik Schneider, psychiatrist and psychotherapist author of the report, concludes his analysis by stressing that this acceptance must be "at the whole societal level".
À lire aussiBut, as Marcel Rofo points out, current society does not completely allow it: "If we lived in an ideal world, much more tolerant, parents would more easily accept the choice of their child, also because they would fear less for its safety.But in fact, we rarely operate in France a transgender person before his majority.For years, he will undergo lively intolerance.I believe that we can respect the choice of her child while asking him to respect the misunderstanding that his choice can cause, "hopes the specialist.
Psychological follow -up: How to explain that there are more boys than girls?
Children not always verifying their feelings, it most often goes unnoticed.Another pitfall: parents often refuse to accept this situation and are then reluctant to consult a psychiatrist to best support their child in a situation of discomfort.However, as Professor Rufo points out, psychological follow -up is important, "not to change children but to help them continue their way".
He also notes that there is a gap of a few years between the parents of girl and boy who consult for transidentity: "I see more little boys in consultation.The fact of having the conviction of not being of the right kind is likely to be proportional in girls, but a "tomboy" is less "worrying" for parents than a "effeminate boy" or who wants to be a girl.For parents, this situation is more badly experienced.This is explained by the fact that sexism is always very present in our society.The little girls with whom I exchanged were on average larger and were 7-8 years old at the first consultation ”.
What medical management when changing sex?
If their number is still low due to parents' misunderstanding or perhaps silence in which they are moving, more and more children consult the medical centers specializing in transition assistance.But before arriving at a transition, many stages must be overcome by transgender people, especially when they claim their transidentity when they are still only in.Psychological follow-up will run over several years, unfortunately understanding in the majority of cases taking into consideration of what accompanies this discomfort: eating disorders, external suffering linked for example to harassment, depressions, difficulties of social integration, dropping outschool...
À lire aussiCertain legislations authorize the use of "puberty blockers", a technique that is debated since they block not only the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics such as the development of hair and body changes, but also growth, calcification of bones, fertility...In some countries, as in the United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands, these treatments are reversible and stop the development of children's puberty, giving him time to choose.The Dutch people, the first to have embarked on this type of test, recommend these blocking from the age of 10 or 12, until the age of 16.
En France, les traitements les plus fréquents sont la prescription d'hormones (testostérone ou oestrogène)), ce qui ne coûtera rien à la personne qui transitionne si une affection longue durée lui est reconnue.Nevertheless, no hormonal treatment is administered in France before 16 years old, and the authorization of parental authority is necessary to authorize.Recent studies prove that adults regret having changed gender, even if the figures reflect a minimal effect, of the order of 5 %.It is for this reason that the process remains also framed and restrictive for children.
Rights: How to administratively help my child as a parent?
First, it is essential to recall that any - sexist, homophobic or transphobic insult, is a crime punishable by criminal sanctions.An insult uttered by speech, cries, threats, written or image is liable to 12,000 euros fine.If a transphobic character is selected, the penalty increases and increases to 45,000 euros fine and one year in imprisonment.So do not hesitate to file a complaint if our child suffers from harassment, even if it is for the moment "only" insults.
It is possible to ask a change of first name from a civil status officer and no longer a judge, without justifying a change of sex or presenting a psychiatric certificate.The name attributed to birth and evoking another genre, known as "dead name", no longer has to be used by administration, the school and personal environment.
In order to change gender on identity papers, it is necessary to prove before the judicial court of the domicile or the municipality where the birth certificate is preserved that the person presents himself publicly as belonging to the opposite sex;that the person is known under the sex opposed by his personal and professional or school entourage;or that the person has obtained the change of first name and hopes that their identity papers are in line with.
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