By akademiotoelektronik, 12/03/2023

Figure skating The most beautiful victory of Guillaume Cizeron

At age 4, French figure skater Guillaume Cizeron wondered if he was a boy or a girl. In elementary school, his days were filled with violence and insults. At 13, he was banging his head on walls hoping to create electroshocks that would turn him heterosexual. Now 26 years old, the Olympic vice-champion and quadruple world champion publishes a moving story, My most beautiful victory.

Published on May 1, 2021samuel larochelle Special Collaboration

Although he is currently engaged with his partner Gabriella Papadakis in the final stage of preparations for the Beijing Olympics, which will take place in February 2022, the skater is immersed these days in a small media whirlwind. A few days after his interview with La Presse, he had interviews with Le Parisien, L'Équipe and Paris Match on the program to talk about his book - written with Lionel Duroy, to whom we also owe the memoirs of Gérard Depardieu - which is released in France on April 29 and in Quebec on June 4.

A book of 150 pages dense in emotions. "I think if a person reads my book and they remain homophobic, they really don't have empathy...", says Cizeron point-blank. Indeed, it is impossible to remain indifferent while reading about the discovery of his homosexuality in a climate of daily humiliation.

Instead of discovering my sexuality in a healthy and playful way, it became weird and dirty. Some naivety has been taken away from me. Rather than exploring freely without feeling judged, I lived it in shame.

Guillaume Cizeron

The discomfort with his sexual orientation – which he first publicly named in an Instagram post on May 17, 2020, with his then-lover – added to countless questions about his gender identity that tormented him from early childhood.

Small, even if he understood that he had a first name and a boy's body, he doubted his gender and felt magnetized by femininity. "I wasn't fascinated as if it was something outside of me. It was part of me. I felt good with my mother and my sisters. I had fun painting them. I let them turn me into a princess. It was a big part of me, like today. I like fashion and all those things that we say are “feminine”, but which are not necessarily so. »

Playing boy

He also felt that his immense sensitivity contrasted with his surroundings. “By being bullied at school, my sensitivity, which was beautiful and a little naive, turned into extreme shyness and insecurity. Even today, I try to find my creative sensitivity which is hidden under a pile of not very healthy feelings. »

Equally lucid in the face of the expectations of the rest of society and of his very loving parents, he feigned pleasure in receiving toys traditionally reserved for boys. On the other hand, as soon as he was placed in a context of swimming, judo or soccer, “environments where virility is valued and testosterone celebrated”, he suffered internally.

What hurt was being forced to be something I wasn't and feeling like it wasn't okay to be girlish or like girly things. It was becoming a painful pressure.

Guillaume Cizeron

Fortunately, figure skating came into her life. Having been used for years to maintaining conflicting relationships with other children, he was seduced by the individual aspect of sport.

“I didn’t need to interact with others and they didn’t bother me. I loved the sport itself. I found it magical to slide on the ice. I loved being surrounded only by girls. And as athletes of several levels were training at the same time, I saw what I could achieve one day. »

Dazzling rise

At the age of 8, he was approached to dance as a couple with Gabriella Papadakis. Instinctively, he refused. “I did not understand why I was offered this, because I would have preferred to dance with boys. Finally, a year later, I realized that ice dancing doesn't exist without a partner. I tried with Gabriella, we got on well and I quickly saw our potential. »

Champions of France in their category at 10 years old, they rose through the ranks quickly, finishing second at the Junior World Championships in 2013. Even if the insults continued to rain on Cizeron's head at school, his sports performances made him feel valued. “My skating successes gave me a lot of respect. Luckily, because I was counting the years by the end of school. I was a totally different person in class and at the rink. »

The sporting successes accumulated, but his inner pain did not disappear.

I felt uncomfortable not recognizing myself in my own body. I don't think I would have liked to be a woman, but not far off... I wondered what kind of life I would have, imagining never being able to share with anyone what seemed monstrous to me. I lived in deep despair.

Guillaume Cizeron

He claims, however, that he has never had suicidal thoughts. “I was really loved by my family, which helped me a lot, even saved me. Even if I hated what I was, I didn't think of ending my life. I was more like, “My God, how long is it going to be before I die!” The idea of ​​a whole life made up of secrets and loneliness seemed really painful to me. »

Tipping point

His perception of life took a turn when he got closer to his father, a man passionate about philosophy. “He started making me think about big questions, like what do we do on Earth. It took me away from this wall that stood in front of me. He taught me to look for answers for myself. This is the most important thing he passed on to me. »

At the same time, he spent several hours a day with Gabriella Papadakis, a partner and friend who we discover in the book as an example of openness and compassion.

Gabriella never said anything hurtful to me. She knew what I was going through pretty early on, but she always respected me in it without pushing me to admit it. He is a very kind person.

Guillaume Cizeron

After leaving their hometown for Lyon, the two athletes crossed the Atlantic to train in Montreal with Marie-France Dubreuil and Patrice Lauzon in 2014. “It was liberating for me to move here. I was a young adult who went on an adventure to another country, with the feeling that the world belonged to us! »

A new model

He also quickly felt that the Quebec metropolis was very inclusive. “Meeting so many open-minded people helps to love each other in all its colors. In Quebec, there are several leaders who want to change things, while there are few in France on LGBTQ+ issues. That's kind of what I'm trying to do with my book. I hope to open the conversation. »

He can already boast of having influenced his discipline, while several athletes have told him that he had "liberated" the man in ice dancing. “This point does not have much to do with femininity, but more with the fact that in our sport, traditionally, the man is somewhat at the service of the woman to enhance her. I've always hated that. If I can dance with my partner, it's really nice, but I don't want to play puppet. »

Claiming to be very stubborn on this subject, he took several choreographic liberties which inspired his opponents. “I don't take up more space than Gabriella. We both express ourselves. We value each other. In reality, I can be so much more than the strong man carrying the woman. »

In 10 months, he could also be on the top step of the podium and join the very small circle of openly gay athletes who win Olympic gold, such as Canadian skater Eric Radford and Australian diver Matthew Mitcham. A way for them to serve as models for new generations.